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Stephen Maynard's avatar

In the Book of Internal Combustion, verse 10W30, Rocco layeth his hands upon a barrel and said, "Behold! I have a barrel!" And Jesus raised his eyes and said unto Rocco, "Yes, Rocco, we can all see that. So what?" And Rocco said, "We shall pour the cooking oil in this barrel over the sides of this boat, into the raging water, and it shall calm the seas!"

"Really? sayeth Jesus. "I thought I was the only one who could do stuff liketh that." And Rocco sayeth, "Yea, verily, if thou art going to use that hocus-pocus that thou doest all the time, we shall be in for a full night of rough seas, with all the pains thereineth, including the banging of the heads, the churning of the stomachs, and the tossing of the salads!"

Jesus spake simply: "Meh."

And Rocco the Mechanic and his assistant Irving did lifteth the heavy barrel of oil up to the bulwark of the boat, and the barrel did slippeth out of the hands of the two and falleth into the churning waters. And it appeareth that the barrel - fully laden with the cooking oil - did plummet into the depths of the ocean.

And the stormy seas raged on into the dark night. And all on board were ill, with none more so than Jesus, who leaned over the side and delivered up several loaves and fishes he had consummeth earlier in the day, for brunch.

And Roxy, a steward woman of the boat's crew said, "Well... that barrel had the last of the oil! Even if we had more loaves and fishes, we ain't got nuttin' to cook 'em in!" And there was much griping and gnashing of teeth among both crew and passengers, and Rocco felt it a good idea to lay low for a while.

And Jesus spake, saying he wished to lie down, looking with raised eyebrow in the direction of Roxy. And Roxy sayeth, "Not with breath like that, J-Boy! Findeth thou a sprig of mint or parsley and get back to me."

And the sea continued to churn. And the oil was gone. And Jesus wept.

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Winston Fowler's avatar

Pretty sure Jesus did not need a drop of oil to get things under control.

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